ellie dreams

Speaking of growing up: Our biggest little girl officially dreams.  And I can't tell you how badly I wish I could say that she dreams of amazing, wonderful things like Never Ending Picnics and hanging out with Millie Measure.  Instead, she just seems to be having nightmares.

The first one was terrifying as it happened, but really adorable and so much fun the next morning and in the days that followed.  We woke up to her shrieking.  Ellie screams and cries a lot in the middle of the night and she always has, but this was a scream that David and I both immediately responded to, knowing it was different than her usual cry and very far from her regular attempts to get out of sleep for the night ("my need Os," "mommy, are you?" "I pooped!")  When David went in her room she told him that she saw a Really Scary Monster.  HUH?  How does she know about monsters? and since when does she know what it means to be scared?  With a little prodding from David as he tried to figure out if she got scared by one of her stuffed animals (Foofa is sweet, I'm sure, but those eyes might be a little intimidating in a dark room), Ellie continued to explain that The Really Scary Monster was laying under Foofa and it bit her toe.  She eventually calmed down and slept the rest of the night.  It wasn't until the morning when she brought it up again, adding that The Really Scary Monster was purple and looked like a squirrel.  What did The Really Scary Monster do?  He said "Hi!"  She talked about it for a few days and we tried to enjoy her imagination without encouraging her to dwell on it too much and eventually she stopped talking about it.  We told her that if The Really Scary Monster came back, she could just sing the Goodbye Song, and he'd go away.  That's the cure for monsters, you know? 

We tried talking to her for awhile about some awesome dreams that she could have--driving racecars! going swimming! eating ice cream! but until last night she hadn't let us know of any other dreams.  When I was laying with her as she fell asleep last night (don't ask--it's the never-ending-never-getting-better nighttime routine), she suddenly shot straight up next to me, "Ellie fall fall fall upside-down. Really really scary."  She repeated it over and over while I told her Mommy was there and she was okay.  She's been trying to fall asleep tonight since 8:30 (it's almost 11).  She seems almost out then sits up crying out of nowhere.  I went in to lay with her at some point and she says, through tears, "Hi. Ellie fall really really high.  Ellie fall in the sky."  She asks me to lay with her and after a few minutes when I get up to leave, she asks me to stay. 

My poor girl.  How are we even supposed to deal with scary dreams?  I know how real my dreams feel sometimes (yes, maybe I've held David accountable the next morning for what "David" did in my dream the night before), so how can we even begin to expect her to separate what's real and what's a fantasy???

can we talk about mimi?

It's been more than 2 months since I last blogged.  That wouldn't bother me so much if I could otherwise report that we were still taking pictures, that I was updating scrapbooks and monthly notes--but I'm not.  Not really doing any of it.  If we don't already know it yet, it's becoming more apparent with every new milestone in the girls' lives that time keeps flying by us whether we stop to soak it in or not.  I don't want to get caught up in documenting everything so much that I can't just be present in the moments, but SO much is happening every day that it's too easy to forget the little things that make our days and fill our hearts.

Our 'normal' changes everyday, and I'm always bummed when something happens that reminds me that our daughters are growing up right in the middle of our busy, distracted, stressed out lives.  Remember when Ellie used to ask us to open everything by saying "boppy!"?  Getting only more animated if we didn't initially respond?  Remember when she first started calling Yo Gabba Gabba "yagwabbubbwa"?  She says full sentences now, and makes jokes, and cracks us up with her observations and attempts to explain things ("my not sleep now, my awake.").  She introduces herself and her family to kids she meets at the park.  She remembers things, tells me about her day, pretends to go to work or check me out at the doctor, and asks to buy things.  Every day is filled with fun, and learning, and definitely testing boundaries ("my bad, ellie run away.")

But this post is about my MimiGirl, who too easily gets bowled over by the swirling tornado of Ellie.  She's growing up, too.  After struggling through an intense, freakish, and equally awesome and annoying bout of attachment to me, she's becoming more independent everyday.  She'll show you her mad face, what a fish says, and how big she is.  If you tell her 'no,' she knows what it means but she probably won't listen.  The girl can crawl, and the girl can cruise.  Our nice little box of a house has proved to be the perfect domain for her as she makes her way in and out of every single room by walking while supporting herself on the walls.  Mimi has moments when she is perfectly content to just cruise back and forth, push buttons on the cable box, pull books and trinkets off the shelves, and bang her head repeatedly into the couch play by herself.  Somehow, she's not nearly as dependent on us as I feel like she should be.  It's been almost a year, after all, but I still feel like she's my baby.

We don't have much time left.  She's on the brink of walking for real, and seems excited by the prospect.

It won't be long before we're trying to convince her to be a better listener, or eat/sleep/behave better because she's a big girl.  Growing up is a double-edged sword, but she doesn't know it yet.
 

non-wedding cake #1

I really love baking.  I also really hate it.  It takes up so much time, makes a huge mess, we never seem to have the right ingredients, and I'm entirely too impatient to do anything right (measuring cups? we have a few, but I always default to using the same 1/2 cup and lose count of how many scoops I've added 50% of the time).  Why do I love it?  There is nothing better than making something pretty, delicious, and share-able.  I love baking when things work out.

I'm super interested in making a wedding cake and thought that before I really committed myself to partaking in such a huge endeavor, I should at least try to see if I could make a stacked cake.  One amazing (and uninformed) trip to the cake supply store later, I couldn't help but dive in.  I usually only bake now on the rare occasion that both girls are sleeping at the same time.  That, coupled with the never ending to-do-list that I happily put on hold, force me to bake with a terrible sense of urgency.  Knowing that one or both of the girls will probably wake up and derail me any minute, means I just better get everything done that minute.  And, if you're thinking that probably doesn't help my impatient, messy, not-exact baking style? you're right.  I try to do things all at once, skip steps, or realize I don't have enough of something in the middle of the recipe during most undertakings.  Luckily, I'm building a sense of what works and keep the iPad close to Google away and speed bumps.

This cake didn't take long at all and it wasn't hard.  I learned from some of my mistakes with buttercream, and think that it'll spread smoother next time.  I baked the cakes during naptime, and made frostings and frosted intermittently while we bathed the girls, put them to bed, then brought them back out to play because they weren't sleeping. A total of 4-5 hours of work.  Ellie told me the cake was pretty.  The only way we could convince her not to stick her fingers in it that night was by telling her that we had to wait for Fifi to come over to eat it the next day. 

As promised, Finn came over, and after we added to our set of pictures they'll hate us for later, we all ate some cake.  A rich, dense chocolate cake with vanilla buttercream icing.  Delish.  I brought 1/2 of it to work and we finished the rest within the week :)

And of course, the pictures that Jess took make the cake so much prettier than it really was.  How does she do it???

bubbles

Today marked David's first day back at the bike shop and my return to pretending to be a stay-at-home mom for one day a week.  We had the most beautiful day ever, we all wore "pretty dresses" at Ellie's request, replenished our bubble supply, and then ran around chasing them all evening.  She was so excited it was finally bubble season.

why i love my husband... fourteen?

Another oops, eh?  While I have to give myself a pat on the back for somehow making the time to post something on this blog for almost 14 days straight, I still couldn't pull through in the end.  Bummer.  What would reason 14 have been?... Crikey, I don't even know.  On my original brainstorming list ideas that were left included he makes my coffee & he's creative.  Maybe I intentionally didn't post because that would have been super anti-climactic.  Lucky you :)

Our Valentine's Day was actually more exciting than any recent ones I can remember.  I get super excited about making holidays special for the girls.  We had (have) love-filled hearts hanging in our front window, the girls woke up to share the love with the world's cutest couple, Mickey & Minnie Mouse, we all wore pink or red, and the girls got heart balloons at the end of the day.  Grandma even joined in the fun by bringing up some love-themed plates and other surprises.  Goals for next year: heart-shaped and/or pink or red food at every meal and mailing out Valentine's to our extended family (this is the first year we've dropped the ball on that one in a while). 

David and I exchanged cards.  He got me one about bikes and I got him one about fountain pop.  No joke. 

why i love my husband: thirteen

why i love my husband: twelve

why i love my husband: eleven

Years ago, David and I spent a day with my Nanny and Papa asking them questions about their childhood, life, and love and we recorded a few special thoughts and quotes from them.  When I asked Nanny what the best thing about life was, she wrote:

"very grateful for having 7 wonderful kids, their spouses, and the best grandkids in the world! AND a husband who never denied me anything"

I thought it was awesomely amazing that Nanny could say that about Papa so confidently.  I would have never described their relationship that way.  Nanny is a strong woman and I believe she pretty much always gets what she wants, but I think I also thought Papa was a "tough guy," who wouldn't bend out of his way to appease his wife.  I've thought differently about them since Nanny pointed it out to me.  Nanny does always get what she wants, and it's because Papa's always happy to give it to her.

One of my most favorite things about David and one of the reasons I'm so lucky is that this sentiment rings true for my husband, too.  And it doesn't mean that he's a pushover.  He'll question my judgement and caution me against silly, brash, or outrageous ideas but if something is really important to me and if I want it bad enough, he does whatever he can to provide for me to make me happy.  This means I lead a luxurious life in big ways (building things, painting rooms, having a zillion kids?) and in small (he makes my coffee, gets me fountain pop, kills bugs).  Does that make me spoiled?  :) 


p.s. wondering what Papa said was the best thing about life?  "marrying the most beautiful woman in the world."

why i love my husband: ten

why i love my husband: nine

why i love my husband: eight

He takes care of his girls.

why i love my husband: seven

...despite the crazy stuff my body has been through in the past 2 years, the minimal amount of time I spend caring about what I look like, the goofy stuff I do to make the girls laugh, and the fact that I wear the same old sweatpants every chance I get.

why i love my husband: six

why i love my husband: five

...like dancing, running, DWTS (and The Bachelor... yep), restaurants, book stores, and kids. :)

why i love my husband: four

TMI?  Sorry, I have to come up with 14 :)

why i love my husband: three

Remember how I mentioned that David is exceptionally thoughtful and considerate?  Well, sometimes he gets stuck in the thinking/planning/preparing for worst case scenario phase of life and that can stall the actually doing things part of life.  Luckily, most of the time when I get super excited about something, I can shake him (or guilt him) out of his resistance to taking on a new project, responsibility, or goal pretty quickly.  Case in point?  One Friday morning while still in our PJs, I started pulling up the carpeting that lined our hallway and living room.  I don't think he believed I would do it at first, but after I did he was right there with me tackling the project (that we didn't know would take as much effort as it did).  So... whether he's supportive because he wants to be or because I give him no other choice... I love him for it.

why i love my husband: two

From everything I've learned about David, it's clear that he has always had very strong convictions about the things that are important to him.  He's thoughtful and considerate to an extreme, and when he decides something is worth his attention, he goes "all in."  Skateboarding, punk music, (skinny jeans), gardening, homesteading, running, bicycle commuting, (wool clothing), and mountain biking have filled his heart over the past few years.  I give him a hard time about the energy he spends searching ebay & craigslist for whatever his current need is and for the amount of detail he includes in his stories, but really, I admire him for the way he cares about what he cares about.

why i love my husband: one

In honor of the lovely month of February, and in an effort to give David some much deserved love leading up to Valentine's day, my goal is to post a reason why I love my husband for the next 14 days!  If the girls oblige, they might even be accompanied by semi-cute pictures that make me smile (as in, if they sleep long enough to let me try to edit some pictures with my minimal photoshop skills, you'll have pictures).

I haven't spent a ton of time planning this out, so... this list isn't comprehensive, the reasons are in no particular order, and they might seem silly to anyone but me, but: we've had our rough times over the past year or so and we don't make nearly enough time to appreciate each other, so this is my attempt.  Plus it's a super cheap Valentine's Day gift.  Booyah.

So, reason #1:

It isn't easy for anyone to take criticism, no matter how constructive it's meant to be.  David and I have different priorities about a lot of things in life and that means we have very different strategies of approaching everything we do.  I'm more opinionated, rigid, and stubborn.  It's been difficult with him being the stay-at-home parent and me feeling like I am more adept at taking care of the girls (I work with kids, I stay calmer... I'm a mom, okay?).  It's probably been most difficult for him, since I seem to have lots of ideas and input, but I'm not the one that is here and has to deal with them all day.  I hope I've gotten better about letting him do what he does over the past year and I want him to feel confident in what he does, but at the same time I can't tell you how many times I've been amazed at the effort he is willing to put in to change something he does, says, or wears if it makes me even the tiniest bit happier.  He tries harder for the girls, too--always doing his best to keep them as happy as realistically possible

...and that makes me swoon.

mimi time

Have I ever mentioned the guilt I feel when I miss most of the girls' day?  I know someone has to work, and I know they are well taken care of, and I know I don't have to work that much, but it's still hard.  On days like today, when the girls' naps don't line up and Mimi is awake while Ellie sleeps it brings about a whole new feeling of guilt.  When was the last time I focused all my attention just on her?

Without the screeching, running, destructive toddler around to demand all our attention and patience, we're left with sweet little Mimi, her squishy cheeks, and the innocence that comes with not being able to exert your will on others.  A sweet break in the middle of our day, and a nice chance to give our baby some special attention.  It's been a long week with sicknesses and dreary weather, but the shortest moment of connection with one or both of my girls makes everything seem bright. 

oh happy day

Taking the day off work + getting cable installed + unsolicited snuggles from Ellie = love

recovery, eh?

So... we've officially contracted our first super nasty common childhood illness and it has to be the one with the worst name ever.  We confirmed today that Ellie's puke-fest Friday night and lazy Saturday were the first stages of HandFoot&MouthDisease.  OMG. I barely convinced myself to admit that.  So at some point in the past week, Ellie came in contact with the nasal mucous, saliva, sputum, or ---- of an infected person.  Now she's lucky enough to have blisters on her hands, feet, and mouth.  Luckily her case seems to be pretty mild and she hasn't been too disturbed by the symptoms... except for during 3 hour stints in the middle of the night when she screams non-stop in her bed: "Mommy, areyou Mommy?" or "Daaaaaddy, areyou Daddy?" So fun. 

This week has been continually exhausting--first dealing with a sick/sad/needy baby, then worrying about what the blisters might be, confirming what they are, and now freaking the freak about whether Mimi, or Finn, or any of Ellie's friends are going to get sick too.  Like I said, OMG.  Contagion up in here.

recovery

I was greeted home Friday evening by an inconsolable, screaming toddler with a 100 degree fever.  All plans (and, really for the first time in a looooong time, I had plans!) were put on hold.  First mission: stop her from crying. 

With the help of tylenol, a makeshift bed in front of the portable "dbdbd payor", our trusty friends from Gabba Gabba Land, and some snuggles from mom, Ellie passed out.  She got a bit of a nap.  I grumbled about what a pain it was that this was happening on a no-obligation weekend and couldn't stop thinking about how I would have absolutely no me time (between nursing Mimi and needy Ellie).  The feeling of being needed is nice, in theory.  But feeling like I have to always be prepared to respond and fulfil other people's needs is exhausting at this point.  Surprisingly, Ellie woke up happy.  She wanted to eat and we happily obliged: a peanut butter and honey sandwich, and ice cream, too!  She got her bath and we thought we were in the clear.  Maybe she just needed a second nap?!  A few more videos and the inconsolable crying returned.  I went to go put Mimi back to sleep and listened as Ellie repeatedly asked for me, David tried to calm her down, and then started cursing.  "That is puke," he told her.  Peanut butter-honey-chocolate ice cream puke all over herself and the living room.  (Alden enjoyed it.)

After rinsing her down, she rocked to sleep in my arms almost immediately.  We watched more Yo Gabba Gabba (more???) and drank pedialyte before Ellie and David went to sleep downstairs.

She hasn't puked anymore and seems mostly OK today. Just to be safe, we're sticking to our routine of endless videos and very little food.  She's enjoyed more sitting still and snuggling today than she has in the entire last year.  It's really been quite indulgent for me, too. 

Happy Lazy Weekend! Be healthy!

play break

Despite early and late appointments today, I was able to stop home for a short bit which afforded me this mischievous look from Ellie and a little free play time. With a long few weeks at work, it seems like most of my time at home has been spent taking care of the less fun parenting routines like feeding and bedtime so today was a welcomed break. Complete with some kazoo playing by Meems.

growing up

Mimi had her 6 month check up today and made Mama proud by being all cute to the doctor, "waving" when she came in, and just overall being the most adorable thing ever. Her current obsessions are busting a move (our whole family will happily demonstrate her style for you, complete with rahzel-like sound effects) and tearing up paper.  As you can see she was more than pleased with the paper on the exam table.  Good thing they didn't make us wait too long. 

She did great. Chunkier than ever. And her head?  Prominent ridges, but nothing to worry about. 
It was amazing to watch her looking for me for reassurance during the scarier parts of the exam.  I made sure to have the goofiest "yaaay, this is the greatest thing that will ever happen to you!" grin on my face.  I was able to bring her back from whimpers a few times... until the nurse stabbed her repeatedly in the thighs.

Every day, she becomes more of a real person and I can't help but wonder what kind of person she'll turn out to be.  I think I'm most excited about when she'll start interacting with Ellie (more than just pulling her hair or smiling at her).  I'm so curious (and anxious and scared!) about what their relationship will be.  I still remember throwing hairbrushes at Jess in middle school.   

healthy (baby) steps

Over the past few weeks, I've been slowly (reluctantly) trying to get back to healthy habits that flew out the window 2 years ago along with free time, nice clothes, and irresponsibility.  I really used to love working out, being at the gym, exercising outside--I appreciated taking advantage of my body and being able to move. 

After 2-too-close pregnancies, lack of time, stress at work, and a feeling of entitlement that I had "earned" treats by staying up with hungry or sick babies, my weight has gotten a little out of control.  And my body is not as easy to move as it used to be.  We're trying to be healthier around here: I've been able to squeeze in 20 minute workouts in the basement while Ellie climbs on toys and jumps around along with me and I am trying to eat better (although I still can't turn down ice cream and I lovelovelove a Tim Horton's breakfast).  I'm slooooowly starting to appreciate days without fast food and indulgent treats.  Slowly...

(I'm so hungry right now!)

All that to say, I got a cool cookbook last week with a ton of yummy sounding recipes all for around 400 calories each.  I'm excited to start incorporating new recipes into our rotation again, and dinner tonight (planned and made by David) was colorful, fun, and surprisingly great.  I loved the way Ellie's plate looked, too, even though she barely ate anything.  At least we're trying!

girl time

We got crazy while David got a much needed shower. Giggles, kisses, and jumping on the couch! (shhh)

Trying to enjoy their awesomeness despite crazy late bedtimes and really long days at work.  Ellie loved Mimi's laugh tonight, and it was fun to watch her look at Mimi like a real person!

mommy get it

Ellie is starting to talk more every day.  A few weeks ago she started putting a few words together at a time more purposefully than ever before.  We started hearing "Lahyou," "Areyou?" "Ellie turn," which made us smile.  She started telling us "Mimi nigh-night," or "Mimi up."  (She also tried to wake Mimi up, so she could tell us, "Mimi up.")  Lately she's been saying "Aldy eat it" after he snatches some of her food, asking for "Ellie room?" or "Daddy bed?" when the thought pops in her head.  These are just the most adorable things ever said,  right?  Or is it just me?

In any case, I had a crazy long day at work today and barely had a chance to check in with David, which is super unusual for me.  Feeling like a terrible mom when I came in at 7:30, I was hoping David would tell me he thought the girls missed me.  He said they did, but I think he just knew that was the right thing to say.  Ellie was in on the trick though, and when she wanted something (even if it was something silly like getting her milk), if David started to do it, she would throw a mini-tantrum and say "Mommy get it," which I realize is terribly annoying and silly, but was exactly what I needed and wanted to hear after a full day away from the girls.

I find myself amazed and loving all of Ellie's new words/sentences/pronunciations and at the same time sad that she's growing up so fast.  She's almost a full blown adult ready to clearly articulate her arguments.  Such giant steps from just throwing herself on the floor...

resolutions