What Do I Want???

It’s such a silly (and impossible) question, but coming from a family of people that have had the same careers since as long as I can remember, I feel like it’s a decision I need to make—and stick to, soon. My parents have both been employed in their respective fields for over 30 years. I think they both enjoy their work, but I can’t say I’m convinced that it is what they were meant to do. Thankfully, they have found other outlets for their talents. Amazingly, they have found time to maintain and explore their other talents despite working full-time, being active members in our community, taking care of their parents, and raising 4 children.

I worry that my parents demonstrate some super-human ability to give attention and care to everyone and everything around them. Maybe it’s not a super-human ability, but it’s something that I still haven’t figured out yet. In the past, I have been passionate about many things. When I find things I care about, I fully dedicate myself to them, and put in whatever effort needs to be made to get things done. In recent years, most of my passion has been absorbed in my job as an ABA therapist for children with autism; whatever energy is left has been spent painting and re-painting our house. And that’s where it stops. [pause for a few minutes to make sure I can’t think of anything else that I’ve been pursuing…] My parents have been able to give the necessary energy to their professions, exercise regularly, maintain close relationships with their family, pursue hobbies of photography, painting, woodworking and more, and create and uphold a yard you’d expect to see in magazines.

I really do love my job (and usually don’t think of it as a “job,” which is nice), but there are other things that I would like to be a central part of my life. I want to reach out to friends and family and make them feel good about life, I want to have a strong and growing relationship with my husband, I want to love our house, our yard, I want to be a part of our community, I want to earn demanding physical, emotional, and artistic accomplishments, and I want to stop wondering “What do I want to do with my life?” and just know that I’ll just be doing it everyday.

Jumping on the blog-wagon probably won't resolve my questions, but I hope it will serve as motivation to think about thoughts and try new things that usually get pushed out by my day-to-day activities. Hopefully this is the first of many endeavors in the coming months that will help me refocus my life on my self and all the experiences, people, and activities that make me happy to be around.