mama meltdown

Earlier this week, after spending the day home with the girls while David worked I thought it would be a good idea to take Ellie to JoAnn Fabrics to pick up a few things for some projects I've been thinking about and let her run around the store and explore. (She about melted my heart when I loaded her in the car and she looked over at Emery's empty seat and said "Mimi?" wondering where her sister was) Ellie did great at JoAnn's and was more than happy to walk along the wall of beads (that she could touch, but could NOT get off their hooks--perf!) and take in all their sparkly goodness. After a little disappointment on my part, realizing that some of my ideas for projects were either a.) too expensive, b.) too much work, or c.) too crazy we headed to the checkout with a few items.

We were greeted by a line with 5 or 6 people in front of us. We headed down the (awesomely designed) single-file aisle lined with (well thought out) trinkets and bottles and candy all perfectly reachable for my little explorer. I took a deep breath and was prepared to keep her contained and safe, with a little interest in not destroying the store. Soon after we were in line, a few customers piled in behind us. While I was bending down to put something back that Ellie had out, I hit into the woman's cart behind us. I apologized out loud, while silently wondering why the hell she was so close to me. Then she started making small talk; asking how old Ellie was, asking me what frame I liked and what color mat she should buy? Really? I swear I was more than pleasant with her, but inside my impatience was building (about to explode).

I'm not a patient person--I'll be the first to admit it, and David could probably give many examples of my inability to stay calm in crappy situations that aren't quickly getting better (red lights, traffic, lines, multi-step house projects, slow computers, interrupted favorite TV shows). It's gotten worse since having both babies. I only have a few moments to accomplish things that I want to do and if something isn't going right when I finally have the chance (or take/make the time), it's never going to happen. So, as we were standing in line without moving forward, feeling cornered by the customers behind us, and fighting all the products in Ellie's grabbing hands, I scooped Ellie up, left the stuff we were going to buy at the cashier and headed out to the car, crying.

I was exhausted, disappointed, and most of all, defeated. Taking the energy to make the trip and returning home empty handed... After talking to the parents and David and calming down, I was able to realize that Ellie had fun and it wasn't such a big deal. I just won't be able to do anything for a few more years. JK. Kinda.

The next day, armed with David's optimism (more on that later), and both of the girls, we headed back to JoAnn's and got all the goods. Our family is awesome. Haha.