ellie

Ellie was a super easy baby. The hardest things she ever did were wake up every 2 or 3 hours at night to eat, puke all over us and our stuff, and poop out a few diapers. She was usually content to sit on our laps and smile at our faces and read books. When she first came into our life, we had to adjust from being a young couple with few responsibilities to being mom and dad to an infant that was completely dependent on us--it felt like a big, hard deal. I wish we understood how easy we had it then.


Fast forward a few months and you'd find us constantly "finger-walking" our girl around everywhere she could see. She was determined to walk early and needed our help to practice. It felt like we never sat down. A few months later, if we could convince her to sit down, you'd find us battling our daughter at the kitchen table. She decided (after being a great eater for the first year of her life) that she only wanted to eat fruit, yogurt, and cheese. The next few months included daily tiffs over changing her diaper, letting her feed herself, having to stay inside when it was raining and/or dark, not eating Alden's dog food, and coloring with markers on paper only.


After a particularly rough day when it seemed like we didn't have a moment to ourselves between meeting Emery's basic needs and dealing with Ellie's constant demands, I asked David what one word he would use to describe our first born. After a few seconds, he said crazy. Trying not to pass (negative) judgment on my daughter, I said wild. After talking some more, we decided that the positive way to explain Ellie would be to say she is independent.


Ellie knows what she wants and what she doesn't and she makes her preferences (however absurd they are) known. She has amazed us with her ability to accomplish tasks that seem too difficult. She absolutely loves what she loves. And then there are the things that she hates (or, doesn't like, you know what I mean). Over the past few months, Ellie has decided, learned, or been taught to flail around, scream, throw things, run away and grab our faces when we're suggesting something she's not interested in. We try hard to prevent whatever we can predict will be a difficult situation (get enough sleep, hide off-limit toys, give warnings), encourage effective communication whenever possible ("use your words" instead of screaming), redirect her to more appropriate activities to take her mind off what's pissing her off, and hardest of all not give in to her inappropriate attempts at getting her way. Why? Because some things she just has to learn to tolerate.

I love my daughter more than words will ever convey, and honestly, I can usually even appreciate something about the fits she throws, her (failed) attempts to communicate, her silly preferences and requests. But I'd be lying if I said I don't worry about her future ability to regulate her emotions and channel all of her determination and energy into something constructive. I hope David and I will be able to guide her safely through life without squashing her fierce independence and allow her the freedom and power that she desires so that she can experience everything life has to offer (without getting too hurt). Right now that means she doesn't want to sleep, but wants to eat dog food and spend every waking moment in a swing and without a shirt on. I can only imagine what we'll be fighting about in 15 years. I guess we'll have to choose our battles wisely.

week six. and yes, i did think it was only week five.

put together while sipping a venti starbucks and bopping a baby to sleep.
booya.

mama meltdown

Earlier this week, after spending the day home with the girls while David worked I thought it would be a good idea to take Ellie to JoAnn Fabrics to pick up a few things for some projects I've been thinking about and let her run around the store and explore. (She about melted my heart when I loaded her in the car and she looked over at Emery's empty seat and said "Mimi?" wondering where her sister was) Ellie did great at JoAnn's and was more than happy to walk along the wall of beads (that she could touch, but could NOT get off their hooks--perf!) and take in all their sparkly goodness. After a little disappointment on my part, realizing that some of my ideas for projects were either a.) too expensive, b.) too much work, or c.) too crazy we headed to the checkout with a few items.

We were greeted by a line with 5 or 6 people in front of us. We headed down the (awesomely designed) single-file aisle lined with (well thought out) trinkets and bottles and candy all perfectly reachable for my little explorer. I took a deep breath and was prepared to keep her contained and safe, with a little interest in not destroying the store. Soon after we were in line, a few customers piled in behind us. While I was bending down to put something back that Ellie had out, I hit into the woman's cart behind us. I apologized out loud, while silently wondering why the hell she was so close to me. Then she started making small talk; asking how old Ellie was, asking me what frame I liked and what color mat she should buy? Really? I swear I was more than pleasant with her, but inside my impatience was building (about to explode).

I'm not a patient person--I'll be the first to admit it, and David could probably give many examples of my inability to stay calm in crappy situations that aren't quickly getting better (red lights, traffic, lines, multi-step house projects, slow computers, interrupted favorite TV shows). It's gotten worse since having both babies. I only have a few moments to accomplish things that I want to do and if something isn't going right when I finally have the chance (or take/make the time), it's never going to happen. So, as we were standing in line without moving forward, feeling cornered by the customers behind us, and fighting all the products in Ellie's grabbing hands, I scooped Ellie up, left the stuff we were going to buy at the cashier and headed out to the car, crying.

I was exhausted, disappointed, and most of all, defeated. Taking the energy to make the trip and returning home empty handed... After talking to the parents and David and calming down, I was able to realize that Ellie had fun and it wasn't such a big deal. I just won't be able to do anything for a few more years. JK. Kinda.

The next day, armed with David's optimism (more on that later), and both of the girls, we headed back to JoAnn's and got all the goods. Our family is awesome. Haha.

recovering (with grandma's help)

week four

not giving up

I promise, I'm really not giving up on my "this week" photos (I'm excited to keep track of our daily life and growing family, plus I think it'll help keep me on track for the girls' scrapbooks) but we've undertaken a not-planned-out desk makeover which has dismantled our computer and hard-drive for the past few days. Plus, my body is really trying to tear me down and that, plus the babes leaves little energy for anything. Coming soon!