bragging

We’re super lucky (and endlessly thankful) that our parents are willing to travel across the state to spend time with their granddaughters and provide (much needed) support to us!  I think I can speak for David in saying that in addition to the little relief their visits provide, we’ve also enjoyed getting to spend extra time with our parents, letting them see more of our daily life, talk with them about whatever comes up, see our daughters enjoy their visits, and attempt to provide them with some good food and somewhat comfortable sleeping arrangements to help return some of the goods they’ve passed our way over the past 28 years.

We’ve enjoyed a few date nights… mostly consisting of 2 overly tired parents in puke-stained clothes questioning whether or not we remembered to put deodorant on that day heading out to find the closest/quickest/cheapest bite to eat.  That doesn’t sound appealing to you?  Well, it is super awesome to us.  The pure simplicity of being able to leave the house without considering feeding schedules, naptimes, toddler shoes (which we seem to forget on about half of all trips), diaper bags, carseats and strollers is too pleasant for words.  Other times we just depend on our parents to help us be better parents and make the time to clean the house, cut the grass, and take care of other things that happened so easily a few years ago. 

I had one particular day a few weeks ago when Grandma came up, when I was feeling so accomplished I decided to take pictures of my spoils! 

Behold: 

I finished the beginning of updating our desk stools to go with our new living room/office space.  Still need to make the edges pretty and paint the legs.

Here are the results of a few hours worth of sorting, organizing, and folding clothes to update the girls’ drawers with a space all for Emery and clothes that are more season-appropriate. 

Most amazingly of all (right, D?) I sorted, organized, and folded/hung all of my clothes.  My side of the closet (floor) hardly ever looks like this.  Some things never change, right mom & dad?

In my mind there were about 20 more things that were accomplished that day, but it must all be relative.  Some days I bet we don’t get anything “done”, but at least we can brag about making babies smile and laughing with/at/in spite of our girls.  And we can also brag about making babies.  (that’s what I heard when I read that last sentence back in my mind)

Thanks, ‘rents!

highlights

14: ellie's reaction when we showed her that emery can play with toys by having her hold a toy animal in her hand. taking the girls to uptown westerville and the farmers market. 15: dinner and drinks! at Casa MJF. 16: david wearing jeans! watching ellie and finn run around excitedly at grandma ann's. more drinks...

highlights 9.13

graeter's. getting to see the times when emery is more alert and calm (and when she recognizes her big sister).

highlights 9.12

having the kitchen and the floors clean emery sleeping in my arms (lots of times after her shots this morning) ellie's "oh wow"s

highlights 9.11

running Ellie into the house in the rain this afternoon
seeing Emery smile while watching the fan
family hangout with Mike, Jess & Finn

happy thoughts

There are a lot of times when I stay away from here because I know that all that's on my mind, or all that I can think of to say will come off as me complaining.  I want this to be a place where I can record my thoughts and figure things out and, in some way, hold myself accountable: so, mom and dad don't freak out, but I want to get some thoughts out :)

I can feel so defeated and exhausted with my (close to perfect) life.  I also simultaneously realize how incredibly pathetic my thoughts are that I don't even want to give them a (public?) voice.  Speaking rationally: I have the greatest life I could ever ask for.  My loves are healthy and happy.  I have a devoted husband, two amazing daughters, a supportive and fun extended family and friends, a safe place to live and dream, and a job.  I could go on, but those are just the basics; not even accounting for all the glorious luxuries that fill my days.  Even with all this, there are still times (more regular than I really want to admit) when I'm just sad.  I wish I could list some of the reasons I'm unhappy but there really isn't even a way to explain, and like I said above, even if I could list out some reasons each one would be shockingly absurd after recounting my charmed life.  In the past 2 months I can honestly say I've felt more happiness than I could have ever imagined and more sad and hopeless, too.  I want more happiness and (unrealistically, I know) really don't feel like there should be any sadness in my life.

Every day feels like a roller coaster, with each member of our family on a different track.  I can be so overwhelmed with happiness while laughing at something Ellie is doing while David might be stomping around because he's annoyed with his allergies.  Ten minutes later, Ellie might be on the floor crying because she can't have something she wants, I might be near tears because none of my clothes fit, and David and Emery might be cooing at each other while happily playing in the "ocean."  I get mad at David when he's grumpy, I feel like a worthless parent when I'm grumpy, and I'm probably a not-so-fun wife, either.  I think (hope!) that to some degree this is just a part of parenthood, and growing pains, and figuring out how to maintain a family/house/life outside of just one person, but it's hard and it seems to be getting harder everyday and I want our life to be fun, not hard.  


I've spent a good amount of time reading "self-help" books or books/information about happiness.  I know that something needs to change in my mind more than in my life to fix the times when I'm sad, but what do I do and how do I start?  One of the most basic things I've read about to start to change the way you think about your life is to start a "gratitude journal" where every day you recount the best things that happened.  I tried this near the end of my pregnancy with Emery.  My goal was to record three things that went well each day and why I thought they went well, and (as lousy as it sounds) most days I struggled to come up with a few.  That statement almost makes me laugh out loud!... To think that I couldn't think of great things while I had a beautiful daughter to enjoy as well as another one growing inside me is complete craziness.  But honestly, in my own personal journal, I couldn't just record 3 great things?  There's something wrong (and I know it's not with my life, but with my thoughts).

So my first step towards feeling (and thinking) better: I'm going to record the best things that happen each day.  Soon enough, what makes me "happy" should be apparent, and then I can make more of that happen in my life.  I feel like this is official, so hopefully that makes me stick to it.  I think it'd be rad (sounds like David, eh?) if you joined me.  If this doesn't work, I think I'll take Ellie's advice and resign myself to watching Yo Gabba Gabba episodes on repeat all day.

15 minute breakdown... GO!

The past 3 days, I've been trying to make time to update this blog, but it hasn't happened. So, while David is working, Ellie is napping, Emery is fighting sleep, and water is on to start compiling a casserole for dinner, I reheated my decaf coffee and I'm giving myself 15 minutes to get my thoughts out. That probably means no editing or re-reading for clarity, so good luck reading on.

I have to say, even though it probably doesn't look like it on the outside, we're getting in the swing of having two kids. (Shame on us for deciding to buy a new couch and proceed to re-do the entire living space of our house while adjusting.) Ellie's sleep has been mostly back to normal with an afternoon nap and a regular bedtime. We usually find one time period each day to do something to get all of us out of the house. We frequent Planet Smoothie, local parks, Jess, Mike & Finn's house, the grocery store, and Target. I've made time to bake some treats, David's gone mountain biking and the weather is cooler so we can spend time outside. Emery still keeps us guessing--it seems like she either wants to be up and eating all day or impossible to rouse. The only thing she's doing consistently is waking up more and more frequently with each passing night. Eek. Ellie was sleeping from 11 pm to 5 or 6am from the time she was 6 weeks old. Getting to watch middle of the night TV has even lost it's appeal.

I'm looking at the last few weeks I'll have off from work to spend entirely with my family with no other stresses to deal with. There have been days over the past 2 months that I've had to try really hard to be excited about (or event tolerate, who am I kidding?) the craziness of the demands at home. But I'll be bummed to have to go back to work and miss out on the awesome moments (no matter how few) that each day at home is guaranteed to bring.

Like today, for example, when Em spit up on Ellie's face when she was trying to give her a kiss <3